Puns just for fun!

* I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then
it hit me.

* Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was
resisting
a rest.

* Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side
was cut off? He's
all right now.

* The roundest knight at King
Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

* To write with a broken pencil
is pointless.

* When fish are in schools they sometimes take
debate.

* The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small
medium
at large.

* A thief who stole a calendar got twelve
months.

* A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a
hardened
criminal.

* Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be
charged with stalking.

* We'll never run out of math teachers because
they always multiply.

* When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U C L
A.

* The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number

on it.

* The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was
on shaky
ground.

* The dead batteries were given out free of
charge.

* If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your
memory.

* A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

*
What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway)

* A bicycle
can't stand alone; it is two tired.

* Time flies like an arrow; fruit
flies like a banana.

* A backward poet writes inverse.

* In a
democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your
Count that
votes.

* A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

* If you
don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

* Show me a piano falling down a mine
shaft and I'll show you A -flat
miner.

* When a clock is hungry it
goes back four seconds.

* The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was
fully recovered.

* A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France ,
resulted in Linoleum
Blownapart.

* You are stuck with your debt if
you can't budge it.

* He broke into song because he couldn't find the
key.

* A calendar's days are numbered.

* A lot of money is
tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

* A boiled egg is hard to
beat.

* He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

*
A plateau is a high form of flattery.

* Those who get too big for their
britches will be exposed in the end.

* When you've seen one shopping
center you've seen a mall.

* When she saw her first strands of gray hair,
she thought she'd dye.

* Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know
basis.

* Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

* Acupuncture: a
jab well done

Gotta love the English language. LOL