April 11, 2017, 10:14 AM ET [41 Comments]
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Last night I had a dream. It was a crazy dream.
In this dream, I was alone at my desk, having just been awarded the Pulitzer Prize for Blogging, and waiting for a congratulatory call from my idols, Michael Stipe and Don DeLillo.
When the phone rang, much to my surprise it wasn't Don or Mike, it was my old pal from back behind the dumpster of the local Dominoes - none other than Miss Cleo!
"Oohhhh Child," she said, "time is short so grab a pen, ya hear me?"
I knew she meant business so I did as I was told.
"I sense a great sadness. Someone you know is pregnant and the father isn't who you think...oh wait, wrong call. For you Child, I have the first round of the hockey predictions. Let me use the power of the Tarot to show you the way. Get ready to make some money baby."
Toronto vs Washington
It's an upset!! Toronto in six!!
Columbus vs Pittsburgh
They're injured, they're thin and they still will win.
Pittsburgh in five.
Montreal vs New York
When two overrated overachievers face off, you never know what will happen. Except that you do and it's easy: Montreal in six.
Ottawa vs Boston
This should be an easy series for Boston, but Ottawa will lull them into boredom and win a series of overtime and one-goal game in seven.
San Jose vs Edmonton
San Jose finished horribly and they are going to get dusted. Edmonton in four.
Chicago vs Nashville
The NHL's most overrated team vs it's most underrated. Only Nashville's lack of a goalie is hurting them......then again, that never really hurt the Hawks.
Preds in six.
St.Louis vs Minnesota
The team that fell apart down the stretch vs the team that punted one of the best D in the game? Well, it's hard to fathom, but maybe trading Shattenkirk helped them by letting them promote the Parayko.
Blues in five.
Calgary vs Anaheim
The Ducks are huge over-achievers and I don't for a second think they are a legit contender. Calgary has a better roster in every way and will win in six.
That's it. That's your first round. If you lose money taking my advice, my only question is: why would you take my advice?
Weird dream. Want to know the worst part? Even though it was an unsolicited call from beyond the grave, Miss Cleo still charged me $5.99 / minute.